2011: Photo of the year.

At the end of each year, I like to go through all of my pictures and select one that represents the entire year.  It's awfully hard (given the sheer number of photos I take), but it's a good exercise.  Looking back at photographs is like opening an old journal.  And so, I present to you, the following photo:

zagreb, croatia

To me, this photo represents a place that has affected where I'm headed in life, but also a place that altered my perception of people.    

People.  I didn't time this shot, nor do I know the lady looking back at me.  But trams in Eastern Europe taught me a lot about people and what they are going through. I loved the trams, despite their stench and the gypsies, because it allowed me to get a brief glimpse of the people who make Bosnia-Herzegovina and Croatia.  You can read a million books on a particular people, but until you see their faces, you do not really understand them, because a simple look can tell a story.  Trams (or any mode of transportation such as a train, subway, etc) are brief and temporary.  People get on and then get off before you have a chance to blink. 2011 was all about making the most of friendships.  It was about reconnecting with old friends, as well as making some new ones.  I have come to realize that life isn't all about work or blazing a trail that will radically change the world.  Rather, it's a balance.

2012 is shaping up to be a very different year.  I'm looking forward to all the places I'll go, the photos I'll capture and the people I'll meet.  (And hopefully, I'll get better at blogging about if all!)

of transitions.

Last night, I had a dream that my Fulbright Grant was approved and I was hours away from boarding a plane to Bosnia.  I was teary as I hugged family and friends, nervous about the life that awaited me.  I woke up with a start, disappointed only to realize that I was still stuck in this snowy state.  But it got me thinking.

There are some major changes coming my way.  A possible trans-Atlantic move or a relocation to New York or DC looms on the horizon.  Add a graduation to the pile, and my life is full of transitions.

But I have this fear.  Until today, I thought it was a fear of actually going away from home for longer than two months. However, seeing the world and living elsewhere has always been a life-long dream; I am not afraid to see and experience things.

This afternoon, in the hallway, I saw a professor I've worked with in the past. We chatted for a few minutes and before he left, he asked when I was graduating.  I replied, but It was his response that really got me and revealed the root of my fear.  "Wow," he said, "be sure to stay in touch."  And that's when it me.  I'm leaving my professors, these classrooms and the books.  In a way, it seems that my identity as a student was leaving me as well.  But is that really true?

Being a student is my identity, it's who I am.  Writing research papers, conducting statistical analysis, critiquing papers and debating with my colleagues is what I do best.  It's an identity I have developed over the last four years and one that I am reluctant to give up.  But I'm realizing that my identity as a student really won't change on April 29, 2012.  The classrooms will.  I won't have the same professors.  My classmates won't consist of the same individuals.  But the learning never stops.  The books I have read and the relationships I have established thus far only enable me to be a better student in the future.

So I say, bring it on.  There's nothing bittersweet about graduating, only the happy thoughts of a limitless classroom at my doorstep.


(Oh, and I can't wait to reread this someday, when I'm forty and grading a stack of papers. I only hope I'll have the same optimism and enthusiasm for life.)

screaming is okay, you know?

wednesdays are usually my favorite.

 i get to do statistics all morning.

 and then meet with a favorite professor to discuss and debate such topics like the European Union, immigration policy, migration, foreign languages and loads of other wonderful things. truth is, i love academia. and i love where it’s taking me.

 but today was different. my professor is more like a mentor; she pushes me in my weak areas and makes me an academically stronger person. i am eternally grateful for her advice. but we talked about the future for the umpteenth time today. “you have lots of options, choices and decisions.” and that’s when the blanket of doom and despair descended.

 pushing the heavy wooden doors out into the open air, i was greeted with a rush of cold air. it was overwhelming, just like the decisions i have to make. all of the applications i must fill out and the essays i must write. it can be very trying at times.

and so as i drove back home, i rolled down my window and hollered out to nobody and everybody. the wind carried my cries across the crimson tree line and up into the endless gray sky. i’m sure someone thought i was crazy, but it felt good. did it remedy my situation? did my decisions magically morph? nope. but it felt good. and maybe the occasional scream is keeping me sane. it’s tough, you know, making a transition to the RealWorld after eighteen years of school.

Emma V {portraits}

A few weeks ago, I was honored to collaborate with a good friend of mine, Emma.  She's an extremely talented musician who's getting ready to do some awesome things!  I'm so blessed to call her my friend :)

View more here!

I am procrastinating.

You all (or 'y'all' for my peeps down there in the south) should take a few minutes to listen to this song.  Because it's wonderful.  Love me some Needtobreathe these days.

I've mentioned some cryptic things in tweets and recent posts, so I figured I'd share some recent developments in my life.

• I applied for a Fulbright scholarship to return to Bosnia-Herzegovina.  I'd be gone for a year, which seems so daunting, yet exciting.  
• Did you know that statistics is wonderful?  And I do not mean that sarcastically at all.  I am head over heels in love with plugging the numbers into formulas and calculating things.  Coolest part? As a sociologist, I get to conduct the research to get the numbers.  Then I can to play with them.  It's like the numbers are silly-putty and I love silly putty, so it's a win.  
• The Sociology Club elected me as President!  In two weeks, I get to stand in front of my peers. And talk. About sociology. And my work.  That just sounds so dignified and I feel so under-qualified.  
• My brother has been home since last Monday!  Just to clarify: MarineBrother1 is over in Afghanland (though with this latest offensive our military has started, I'm half wondering if he's now in Pakistan?).  MarineBrother2 is halfway through training and completely SURPRISED us all and showed up, bags in tow, last Monday for a two-week stay.  Can you say 'happy'?!  I'm hoping to blog about deployment from a Big Sister's point of view soon, so stay tuned!
• I'm a wedding two days after Christmas!  As the maid of honor, I understand that I'm supposed to be on top of a bunch of things, but alas, I am failing. The bride-to-be texted me last night to remind me of a dress fitting this evening.  And it's a good thing she did - I had forgotten about it. What would a maid of honor do without a bride?!?!?  
• Also, I know this wonderful blogger (well, we've exchanged a few emails, but I've read her blog for years, so I feel like I know her) named Lore who blogs at Sayable.  I've been meaning to do a plug for her blog, but it always escapes me.  I'm a bad blogger.  Anyways, I figured now would be a wonderful time because she's doing a book giveaway.  Hello!  What could be better than a book giveaway?!  So go enter and then click around.  She's a fantastic writer (unlike myself who resorts to bullet points) because she writes about hard, yet real things in life.  You won't be disappointed. 

All of this paper writing has clearly made me mad, so I better stop!

Olivia {2012 senior}

This pretty lady?  I used to babysit her and now she's graduating from high school.  I guess I'm gettin' old, eh?  Olivia is so sweet and is extremely talented on stage.  She has participated in many theatre productions as lead actor and she's planning on pursuing theatre after graduation.  Good luck, Olivia!  I know you'll be great :)

To view more photos, click here!

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

In case you couldn't tell, my blog has changed a bit.  I've wanted to give my blog a slightly different feel lately, so I ditched the single column.  I like it.  My blog feels cozy now, if that's even possible.  The only problem?  Many of my past photos are slightly too big for the column widths.  I'm in the process of trying to switch over five years worth of photos, but it's difficult. (And I betcha didn't know I've been blogging here since 2006!)  I have temporarily taken down many photo posts as I attempt to fix this, so I'm sorry for any inconvenience.

The future holds many changes for me, some of which I've alluded to on this blog.  In addition to photos, I'm hoping to incorporate more of my writing (because in case you didn't know, I am a writer by day).  Many of my photoshoots will still appear here; however, I'm hoping to utilize my facebook page more.  I'll still post an image or two here, but you will find the images over there.

For now, I'm back to working on the following:

• forty-page paper on immigrant identity formation in Europe.
• an analysis of this book.
• a critique of this book.

Have a happy Saturday!

today, there is tea, sunshine and relief. my future is now in the hands of the state department.

i have the coolest and the prettiest clients ever! and tomorrow, i'm collaborating with my friend and fellow musician, emma v. who is working on a special project.  i'm excited and and i love the opportunities that are coming my way :)

it's fall!

favorite places?

I am nine credits away from graduating (cue confetti) and rather than apply for graduate school immediately, I am looking into other opportunities overseas (more on where I'll be headed will have to wait for another post).  So, I'm writing statements on why I want to teach English, why I'd like to travel, and how my upbringing has shaped who I am today.

But while I'm busy writing, I'd like to hear from you (and please don't be shy)!  If you were to pick five countries (or cities) to visit, what would they be? And if you feel like it, why'd you pick these places?

(one of my most favorite cities, philadelphia)

i cannot cook.

Those of you who know me well probably know that I am not a domestic goddess by any stretch of the imagination. Sure I can boil a pot of noodles and make a mean spaghetti sauce or construct a pb&j sandwich, but pies? cakes? main dishes? steaming veggies? No way; cooking has never been my forte.  After years of dealing with various health ailments, I finally discovered that I have a gluten and dairy allergy (I have previously messed around with food to see if it'd help with my energy levels).  Let's just say these allergies have me in the kitchen for more than ten minutes a day. I have to measure things (did you know that almond flour is expensive?!) and substitute different ingredients.  It's like learning how to ride a bicycle with training wheels and then jumping to a unicycle. Not an easy task.

Today's challenge?  Peach and blackberry cobbler, courtesy of Roost Blog (and if you suffer from a combination of allergies like I do, check her blog out. It's GREAT.  Most blogs are focused to dairy or gluten allergies, but not both.)

Oh hello there, blog.

Okay, so before you all think school has come on over and killed me already...please know that I am alive and well.  And I'm still taking photos. In fact, I'm offering a schweet dealio!  If you live within thirty miles of me, you are eligible for this deal.  I live halfway between Ann Arbor and Detroit (which are both in the absolutely lovely state of Michigan).  For fifty dollars you get a thirty minute shoot with thirty photos. This deal is only valid thru October 11, 2011, so get on it folks!  (This shoot does not apply to graduating seniors or engagement photos.)  I know I have readers here in the metro-Detroit area, so shoot me an email!

Also, since school has started, I clearly don't have nearly as much time to update.  So, feel free to follow me on twitter!

And soon, I will get busy and share some images. For now though, you can enjoy this senior teaser!

The beginning of the end.

Four years ago, I embarked on this thing called college.  I had no idea what it really was.  Heck, I could barely understand the difference between a bachelors, masters or a doctorate!  Originally, I was supposed to be in music school and aside from a few english and math classes, I expected to live with my flute and piano for the duration of my undergraduate degree.  Cough, sputter, choke. That's obviously not what happened; God clearly had other ideas for my life.

For starters, college has taught me that life doesn't always go as planned.

I didn't graduate when I should have. I should have been done this past spring, but my diploma will read 2012. I've just been telling people that I love school that much.

Graduation day aside, when I DO receive my diploma in April, I will be a "sociologist". What's a sociologist? I will commit an academic sin and quote wikipedia:

"It is a social science—a term with which it is sometimes synonymous—which uses various methods of empirical investigation and critical analysis to develop and refine a body of knowledge about human social activity."

Didn't get that? As a sociologist, half of it's blabber to me as well, so don't worry.  Essentially, when I walk across the stage at convocation, I'll be a sociologist who is certified in observing people (aka: creepin'), conducting interviews (qualitative sociologists, holla!), surveying the masses (quantitative sociologists, I don't know how you can stand this stuff) and then some. I'll be educated, or something like that. A far cry from music school, no?

But ya know education-schmeducation aside, I've learned some other random, yet valuable, lessons:

Professors make mistakes.
You will forget to submit an assignment (and you will survive).
Class gets canceled every great once in a while.
Three jobs sometimes suck your spare time.
Somehow, you find time for extra curricular activities (like literally running yourself dead by participating in cross-country).
Sometimes you transfer to another school.
You don't receive the grade you thought you deserved.
Your major changes once or twice (or three, four and five times).

The doors I once was scared of are now familiar (I really hate the squeaky doors).  That intimidating professor?  Yeah, she's writing my letter of recommendation.  The borderline psycho professor I swore I'd never see again?  Um yeah, about that. She's my boss now. Those unfamiliar faces?  We're friends.  And today marks the beginning of the end of all that.  I didn't expect to encounter any of it, but it happened and now it's going to end soon.  And it's bittersweet.  College wasn't so scary after all.

elaina {birthday shots}

My youngest sister, Elaina, is turning eight in a few weeks!

the kind man.

I know of a man who lives not too far from me. As a youngster, he towered over me, like the two large oak trees that stood parallel in his yard. Yet he had the gentlest eyes, the kindest smile.

He would stoop down beside me, to the crazy swing, we go, he'd say. And with the shove of his hand, I would glide in crazy circles, round and round.

When we tired of the crazy swing and our eyes fell droopy, he'd gently lift us, to the hammock he'd built by hand, we'd go. Back and forth and back and forth, nodding off into dreamland.

Sunny summer days found us by the water running side by side, chasing the seagulls, casting our fish lines or steering his speed boat and finding money. Splash, splash, was the name I'd give this special place, I told him.

The crazy swing taught me to embrace laughter and freedom, the hammock to appreciate rest, the lake to appreciate nature, but the years have accumulated.

The man, still tall has grown weaker. his breathing labored, his walk a little slower and his voice and laugh a little quieter: was this the man I used to know?

The peak was high, but a winding road beckoned us further. Reaching our destination, we piled out, caught our breath and then scaled a few small hills to reach 14,240 feet in the Colorado Rockies. He had his oxygen tank, but he was still climbing with us. At the top, he took in the beautiful view and I realized...

He was still the same, beneath the age.

As the wind swirled, the years blew before me and I realized it can all be gone in an instant. His health is failing fast, so I try to savor the moments I have with him now. I am so blessed and thankful to call this kind man my Grandpa.

Happy birthday, Grandpa. I love you so very, very much.

today is saturday.

i haven't done this in a while. what is this, you ask? post random photos. back in the day when i had free time, i'd used to post a smattering of images that would otherwise never see time on this blog. and that's exactly what i'm doing today. and my apologies - i've been snapping up photos of nature lately. i blame this on the fact that i was out of the country for most of spring and the beginning of summer here in michigan.

Moving over.

I was sitting on a bench in front of several elevators, impatiently waiting for my math professor to call me into her office.

Students were shuffling all about. Some were madly dashing off to class. Others were socializing with friends. That's when I saw her.

She appeared forlorn and weary as she was carrying several bags. She stumbled off the middle elevator and set her bag down on the seat and looked at me, silently pleading for more room.

Inwardly, I sighed. This always happens to me. The bench was definitely big enough for her to sit down and rest, but I was sprawled everywhere and really didn't feel like making room for her. Afterall, there were five other benches nearby. Couldn't she just chose one of those? Couldn't she see that I was stressed out? I nervously flipped my phone around (yes, I sometimes I pretend to text during awkward situations), glancing at her every few seconds. Her dark, piercing eyes and weary face eagerly waited for me to give an answer. Something inside me softened and I moved.

With that over, I contemplated a way to get off the bench. My professor wasn't ready to see me. There was a line for the bathroom and my next class wasn't for several hours. I didn't want to walk down several flights of stairs to find another seat and moving to the other side of the hall would have been insulting. Stuck, I decided to perch my head up, pretending to sleep. She wasn't fooled and there was nothing that could prepare me for what was coming. Not only did this lady want to sit, she wanted to talk. To me. She wanted to talk about real stuff too. She inquired about my major. Where I wanted to go in life. What I planned on doing in the next year. Where I was from. What I enjoyed. This lady wanted the real deal.

Goodness gracious, moving my bag was already a hassle. I was stressed about a math exam and another Arabic quiz later in the afternoon and detailing my life point-by-point wasn't exactly what I wanted to do that moment. I felt a stab of guilt and I inquired about her life. In a rather thick accent, she explained that she was currently obtaining her second bachelor's degree. She loved math and science and English was her third language. Her first two languages? Arabic and French. I tried restraining the rising tide of curiosity, but it was no use. I love France - she lived there for several years. I wanted to study in Lebanon for an extended amount of time - she was born and raised there.

Continuing in a soft voice, she explained the struggle that ensued just to obtain her first degree. In addition, she explained, her Arab origins didn't help when it came to making friends. Americans are too judgmental regarding the Arabs, she reasoned. They have too many stereotypes about us and it makes it hard to develop friendships, she concluded.

My sour attitude melted away. Suddenly I was glad I had given her room to sit down and lent her my ear. We continued chatting for a while longer. Eventually, I glanced at my watch and realized the time: 12:45. Where had the time gone? My professor was waiting and she had to scoot off to a meeting. As she stood up to leave, she grasped my hand. Thank you, she said. I smiled and suddenly, she was gone.

I don't know if I'll ever see her again, but my new friend taught me a bit about life in thirty minutes. Walking down the hall to my professor's office, a million thoughts flooded my mind.

Lilas Trotter once said,

“[The] dandelion has long ago surrendered its golden petals, and has reached its crowing stage of dying – the delicate seed-globe must break up now – it gives and gives till it has nothing left. There is no sense of wrenching: it stands ready, holding up its little life, not knowing when or where or how the wind bloweth where it listeth may carry it away. It holds itself no longer for its own keeping, only as something to be given..."

An introvert at times, I tend to shy away from unfamiliar situations and meeting people. Sometimes it's because I lack the time or I'm simply not interested in developing new relationships. Other times, I'm afraid of getting hurt. But today I realized you can't live like that. Life is about looking for the worn and hurt. For those who need a sympathetic ear. For the men and women who are suffering. For the children who have no friends. Life is about find those people, moving your "stuff" and making room for them.

(photo: zagreb, croatia.)

Musical Mondays

Mondays are generally bad days – it’s always hard to get back into a routine after the weekend. Today hasn't been too terrible, but I have decided that Mondays will henceforth be called Musical Mondays, where I share a song that has really impacted me because music always makes things better.

At any rate, I love Needtobreathe, but I had not heard of this song until Kristen blogged about it. Good stuff.

Moving along. I love days when I randomly open my Bible to a passage that I absolutely needed to read. For the last several weeks, I have encountered some serious health issues and when I randomly opened up to Lamentations 3, I knew God was up to something.

"Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new mevery morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

I suffer from an unknown autoimmune disease. I have my good days and bad days. On the good days, life is great. But on the bad days (which seem to far outnumber the good days currently), it becomes overbearing. The pain is too much and sometimes I'd rather just fly away to heaven. But I don't have wings and God hasn't called me home yet. These verses reminded me not to place my hope in doctors or medicine, but rather on God who is the ultimate healer.

Thanks God!

{sarajevo: religion}

(If you're new here, I've been blogging about living in Sarajevo, Bosnia this summer. You can read my other posts here.)

Sarajevo is often referred to as the Jerusalem of Eastern Europe. And it's true. The city is littered with mosques and cathedrals, representing Muslims, Orthodox Christians and Catholics. It's not uncommon to have an Orthodox church, a Catholic church and a mosque on the same block (some are even just a few feet from each other). (And just for clarification, over half of the population is Bosniak, which essentially means they are Muslim. Croats are Catholic and Serbs are Orthodox Christians.)

Over the last several thousand years, the Ottomans (later the Turks) have ruled in Sarajevo, as have other western European powers right through the Communist period. Although the number of mosques far outnumber the amount of churches (and I mean churches are really outnumbered), Sarajevo is really a patchwork of each religion.

(above: the remains of a monastery. there are many monasteries in Sarajevo, but they have been converted to public buildings.)

(above: a jewish synagogue.)

Katie & Drake {couples}

I have this awesome friend named Katie. Growing up, we lived a block away from each other, had mutual friends but never really were playmates. Fast forward a few years, we meet and the rest is history. You can imagine my happiness when I found out this past February that she had met an awesome guy and was dating; I love it when my friends find that special someone! I was in Bosnia when Drake first visited Michigan (they have a long-distance relationship) so I didn't have a chance to meet him. But he came back a few weeks ago and I was able to snap these shots! He asked Katie's dad for permission to marry her (isn't that THE sweetest?!) and I have a hunch that an engagement is around the corner ;) I'm so excited to see where life takes these two awesome people!

(i'e never seen my friend so happy!)

katie braun {seniors}

Gasp! My own sister is graduating from high school next year. Am I really that old now?! It's hard to believe that just five years ago I was donning a cap and gown, gearing up for college. But now she's the one entering college as I'm exiting. Weirdness. We went out this weekend to downtown Ann Arbor (our hometown) to get her senior shots started. Isn't she the cutest? It was weird (in a good way) to shoot her. My clients will recognize her because she's my best friend, handy assistant and second shooter, so for her to be in front of the camera was FUN!