painting.

winter portraits.

 

it seems winter has decided to finally visit Michigan (at least temporarily)!

zelim dupla kafa!

It has been one of those days.

You know the kind where you only got three hours of sleep and have a million things to do?

Yeah.

It's on days like these I wish I had some super strong coffee.  The kind of coffee you can find in Bosnia, puddled in miniature espresso cups.  And so, I stare at this picture and dream about drinking bosanski kafe at Tito's in Sarajevo.

the big picture?

sarajevo, bosnia-herzegovina

i recently found an application that allows you to convert photos into tilt-shift images. i think it's a pretty neat application, but it reminded me of my current state in life.  only a small, little slit of my life is in focus right now.  i know i'm in school, that i have assignments to finish and a graduation in thirteen weeks. and that's about it.  my future is one big blur. i can see outlines of what's in store, but i have no concrete ideas.  (but i suppose that's what i get for electing a gap year between my undergraduate and a possible master's program.) ayn rand once said, "People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk."

i may not be able to see exactly what surrounds me, but at least i can see the road.  and so, i'm (attempting) to embrace this new journey.

It's January!

And I'm in my last semester of undergraduate!
And I will be turning twenty-three in exactly one month.
And today, I completed my very first watercolor painting ever!  I love photography and admiring art (especially paintings), but I never envisioned myself as the painter; I have taken kreative to a whole new level!

2011: Photo of the year.

At the end of each year, I like to go through all of my pictures and select one that represents the entire year.  It's awfully hard (given the sheer number of photos I take), but it's a good exercise.  Looking back at photographs is like opening an old journal.  And so, I present to you, the following photo:

zagreb, croatia

To me, this photo represents a place that has affected where I'm headed in life, but also a place that altered my perception of people.    

People.  I didn't time this shot, nor do I know the lady looking back at me.  But trams in Eastern Europe taught me a lot about people and what they are going through. I loved the trams, despite their stench and the gypsies, because it allowed me to get a brief glimpse of the people who make Bosnia-Herzegovina and Croatia.  You can read a million books on a particular people, but until you see their faces, you do not really understand them, because a simple look can tell a story.  Trams (or any mode of transportation such as a train, subway, etc) are brief and temporary.  People get on and then get off before you have a chance to blink. 2011 was all about making the most of friendships.  It was about reconnecting with old friends, as well as making some new ones.  I have come to realize that life isn't all about work or blazing a trail that will radically change the world.  Rather, it's a balance.

2012 is shaping up to be a very different year.  I'm looking forward to all the places I'll go, the photos I'll capture and the people I'll meet.  (And hopefully, I'll get better at blogging about if all!)

of transitions.

Last night, I had a dream that my Fulbright Grant was approved and I was hours away from boarding a plane to Bosnia.  I was teary as I hugged family and friends, nervous about the life that awaited me.  I woke up with a start, disappointed only to realize that I was still stuck in this snowy state.  But it got me thinking.

There are some major changes coming my way.  A possible trans-Atlantic move or a relocation to New York or DC looms on the horizon.  Add a graduation to the pile, and my life is full of transitions.

But I have this fear.  Until today, I thought it was a fear of actually going away from home for longer than two months. However, seeing the world and living elsewhere has always been a life-long dream; I am not afraid to see and experience things.

This afternoon, in the hallway, I saw a professor I've worked with in the past. We chatted for a few minutes and before he left, he asked when I was graduating.  I replied, but It was his response that really got me and revealed the root of my fear.  "Wow," he said, "be sure to stay in touch."  And that's when it me.  I'm leaving my professors, these classrooms and the books.  In a way, it seems that my identity as a student was leaving me as well.  But is that really true?

Being a student is my identity, it's who I am.  Writing research papers, conducting statistical analysis, critiquing papers and debating with my colleagues is what I do best.  It's an identity I have developed over the last four years and one that I am reluctant to give up.  But I'm realizing that my identity as a student really won't change on April 29, 2012.  The classrooms will.  I won't have the same professors.  My classmates won't consist of the same individuals.  But the learning never stops.  The books I have read and the relationships I have established thus far only enable me to be a better student in the future.

So I say, bring it on.  There's nothing bittersweet about graduating, only the happy thoughts of a limitless classroom at my doorstep.


(Oh, and I can't wait to reread this someday, when I'm forty and grading a stack of papers. I only hope I'll have the same optimism and enthusiasm for life.)

screaming is okay, you know?

wednesdays are usually my favorite.

 i get to do statistics all morning.

 and then meet with a favorite professor to discuss and debate such topics like the European Union, immigration policy, migration, foreign languages and loads of other wonderful things. truth is, i love academia. and i love where it’s taking me.

 but today was different. my professor is more like a mentor; she pushes me in my weak areas and makes me an academically stronger person. i am eternally grateful for her advice. but we talked about the future for the umpteenth time today. “you have lots of options, choices and decisions.” and that’s when the blanket of doom and despair descended.

 pushing the heavy wooden doors out into the open air, i was greeted with a rush of cold air. it was overwhelming, just like the decisions i have to make. all of the applications i must fill out and the essays i must write. it can be very trying at times.

and so as i drove back home, i rolled down my window and hollered out to nobody and everybody. the wind carried my cries across the crimson tree line and up into the endless gray sky. i’m sure someone thought i was crazy, but it felt good. did it remedy my situation? did my decisions magically morph? nope. but it felt good. and maybe the occasional scream is keeping me sane. it’s tough, you know, making a transition to the RealWorld after eighteen years of school.

Emma V {portraits}

A few weeks ago, I was honored to collaborate with a good friend of mine, Emma.  She's an extremely talented musician who's getting ready to do some awesome things!  I'm so blessed to call her my friend :)

View more here!

I am procrastinating.

You all (or 'y'all' for my peeps down there in the south) should take a few minutes to listen to this song.  Because it's wonderful.  Love me some Needtobreathe these days.

I've mentioned some cryptic things in tweets and recent posts, so I figured I'd share some recent developments in my life.

• I applied for a Fulbright scholarship to return to Bosnia-Herzegovina.  I'd be gone for a year, which seems so daunting, yet exciting.  
• Did you know that statistics is wonderful?  And I do not mean that sarcastically at all.  I am head over heels in love with plugging the numbers into formulas and calculating things.  Coolest part? As a sociologist, I get to conduct the research to get the numbers.  Then I can to play with them.  It's like the numbers are silly-putty and I love silly putty, so it's a win.  
• The Sociology Club elected me as President!  In two weeks, I get to stand in front of my peers. And talk. About sociology. And my work.  That just sounds so dignified and I feel so under-qualified.  
• My brother has been home since last Monday!  Just to clarify: MarineBrother1 is over in Afghanland (though with this latest offensive our military has started, I'm half wondering if he's now in Pakistan?).  MarineBrother2 is halfway through training and completely SURPRISED us all and showed up, bags in tow, last Monday for a two-week stay.  Can you say 'happy'?!  I'm hoping to blog about deployment from a Big Sister's point of view soon, so stay tuned!
• I'm a wedding two days after Christmas!  As the maid of honor, I understand that I'm supposed to be on top of a bunch of things, but alas, I am failing. The bride-to-be texted me last night to remind me of a dress fitting this evening.  And it's a good thing she did - I had forgotten about it. What would a maid of honor do without a bride?!?!?  
• Also, I know this wonderful blogger (well, we've exchanged a few emails, but I've read her blog for years, so I feel like I know her) named Lore who blogs at Sayable.  I've been meaning to do a plug for her blog, but it always escapes me.  I'm a bad blogger.  Anyways, I figured now would be a wonderful time because she's doing a book giveaway.  Hello!  What could be better than a book giveaway?!  So go enter and then click around.  She's a fantastic writer (unlike myself who resorts to bullet points) because she writes about hard, yet real things in life.  You won't be disappointed. 

All of this paper writing has clearly made me mad, so I better stop!